The Return Home

Awakening as remembering, not reaching

I used to think awakening would feel like forward motion.
Clearer. Higher. Resolved.

What I didn’t expect was the sensation of stopping.

Not stopping out of exhaustion, but stopping because nothing was pulling anymore.

Awakening did not arrive with answers.
It arrived with a settling.

When reaching falls away

Reaching has a particular texture.
The jaw tightens.
The breath lifts into the chest.
The future starts negotiating with the present.

I know that texture well. I've lived there for years.

And then one quiet, unremarkable day, I noticed I was no longer trying to get anywhere.

The reach dissolved.
Not because I'd succeeded,
but because it stopped making sense.

What remembering feels like

Remembering does not feel impressive.

It feels like standing in your kitchen at night,
lights low, no one watching, and realizing you don’t need to rehearse who you are anymore.

It feels like choosing without commentary.
Like saying no without justification.
Like letting the body set the pace and discovering it was never late.

Nothing new appeared.
What disappeared was the strain.

A moment I trust

There was a morning, I can still feel it, when I released something I had once worked hard to earn.

No drama.
No story.

Just a clean internal “nothing fits!.”

I remember sitting still afterward, waiting for doubt to rush in.

It didn’t.

That was the moment I understood: authority had returned before I noticed.

Home is coherence

Home is not safety from life.
It is participation without distortion.

When you are home, you move when it’s time.
You rest without apology.
You stop performing your own understanding.

Living the awakened design is not about refinement.
It is about residence.

You live from yourself again.

A quiet stand

I no longer believe awakening is something to pursue.

I believe it is something that happens when you stop abandoning yourself in subtle ways.

When you stop negotiating with your knowing.
When you stop reaching for permission.

Return is enough.

And now

If something in you softened while reading this,
don’t name it too quickly.

Let it remain unnamed.
Let it stay bodily.
Let it lead.